Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Puns to Ponder

Tip of the hat to Chris for the pointer. He and I have such a great time together playing with language. I thought I'd share with you all what he just sent my way.

Enjoy. And as a medievalist, my very favorite would have to be number one.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.





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8 comments:

Nicki said...

There were too good.
My fave: 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

Anonymous said...

ha. so forwarding this.

Shaun said...

Classico::

"She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still."
!!

brokennarcissist said...

That was a pun read.

Mags said...

I claim: optical Aleutian
Brill!

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, dude!!!
This cracked me up: "A backward poet writes inverse."
Quoting it all day.... :)

Tia said...

hahahah....got a taste of religion....

Sra said...

Fantastic!

This reminds me of a comic strip from Pearls Before Swine that I love. I wasn't able to find the strip online, but I did find the text:

Mouse: Good people are sure hard to find.
Pig: Women like their privacy.
Mouse: What are you talking about?
Pig: Well, someone carved this hole in the women’s gym wall and when the women found out they were being spied on, they got rid of the hole.
Mouse: I said, ‘people’ not ‘peephole.’
Pig: I think all peepholes are bad.

(Pearls Before Swine: Stephan Pastis)